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Yes, it’s been a bit like that: like ha ha let’s play ping-pong…

Sigh. Two nights ago E is 10 mmols at 12am. I do a correction dose, thinking okay not  bad number, little unusual to be that high 4 hours after eating, but hey… Then at 3 am I hear him coming to our room. He’s big now, bulky in the doorway like his father, and for a moment I have no idea who it is! Then he says, I’m 24 mmols and feel absolutely awful.

A sudden spike like this hasn’t happened in a number of months. And of course it would happen when R and I are both hammering through huge piles of work — markings, plans… Hence why I’m up at 12am testing him!

Anyway. Nothing to be done. All hands on deck. Check pump is working as far as we can see — fine. Give whacking huge dose of insulin (what the pump recommends plus a whole extra unit) and put him on 200% temp basal (eg twice the amount of insulin he normally has dripping in per hour).

We wait for the insulin to take proper effect, which we know will be about an hour and a half. Meanwhile E feels sicker and sicker, and then, with awful predictability, begins to throw up. We know he has ketones. He tries to drink water, but can’t keep it down.

An hour later his level has hardly come down, 22 mmols. This too is not unusual — with such a high, the body can become resistant, and it takes more aggression with insulin to lower things than it normally would. To cover all possibilities (in case something invisible is wrong with the infusion set currently in him), we do a set change. E as usual does everything himself, but we can see it takes everything he’s got, as he fights to do it between bouts of retching.

We correct again, again overriding the pump (which remembers what it gave an hour ago), in case some of the last correction dose didn’t actually make it in (in case the set was faulty: see the inexact science of all this! All guess work! And too much insulin of course will send him crashing into hypo, so you just do it and pray…).

It’s pretty dire. My heart breaks for him. He’s so exhausted he dozes off, and so I go back an hour later: 11 mmols, a massive drop.

Phew. It’s over. By this point it’s 5.30 am, and we are due up in an hour. I go back to bed, fearing that with all that insulin sloshing around yet to take full effect, he will be hypo in an hour. But I’m desperate for sleep.

At 6.30 am, he is 8 mmols. Not hypo. Phew again. Made it.

Poor E soldiers on. He gets up, gets himself out for school.

We can only think this is all from his cold. Which drags on and on: cough, chest, nose. I’m watching him closely for infection. He’s not 100%, but surviving.

So yesterday at school he begins to go high again, but manages it himself: overriding the pump for a correction dose, and putting himself on 120% temp basal all day. He wrestles his levels down… And we hear nothing about it until we are all home last night.

It’s hard to overstate the pride I feel in his grit. For getting through the night and pressing on, but also for then making his own decisions, the right ones, yesterday.

It’s also hard to overstate the grief I feel for a future where he will have to make it through nights like that on his own. He will have to do this stuff with no one beside him.

Once again I turn away from this thought. I can’t make it better, ever. I never wanted my children to have to be this strong. Yes — like I had to be. Those who know me will know what that means, and those who don’t will just have to believe me. So if there was one thing I wished for my children, it was not to have to deal with big heavy life too soon.

But life has dealt us this hand. This arbitrary hand. And our children will have to endure. E will have to endure things that most can’t imagine. The potential toll on his mental health, not to speak of his physical health, grieves me. My children will have to be unusually strong unusually young. Like too many, it must be said. Still. Why can we not protect our children?

***

I know that they will make it. Are from stern stuff, whole stuff, sound stuff. And they have us, who have with every fiber tried to give them what they need not to feel too alone too much of the time…

I know all this. But it all seems just something I tell myself to feel better when it hits me in the middle of the night.

 

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Well, after reaching the summit to Tryfan two days ago, yesterday the boys in Wales apparently bog-walked (ewww! E reports bog water over his boots), taking measurements or some such — and then swam. Which I reckon was sorely needed, after several walks and no running water (ewww!).

Number wise he was okay all day, though a little high, but in the evening things went seriously awry. For whatever reason (too much free carb? too low a temp? the set becoming non-viable? — probably all three), at 6.30pm we got a message that he was 24 mmols (over twice as high as the high end of what we were all aiming for while he was away) and feeling rotten.

It was dark by then, and they have no electricity. E had been trying to change his set (due a new one) on his own, with a torch, ill from being high, and stressed to the max. And wouldn’t you know it, for the first time since changing over to sil sets, his pump read NO DELIVERY.

A number of things then cascaded into wrongness. E was holding up, but only just holding on.

OH talked him through. Minute by minute, several phone calls, clear instructions. Try a new tube. Then a new cartridge. We gritted our teeth as E described all his pump equipment strewn around his bed in half-darkness. Talk about stress!

Tell someone, I texted him, in some desperation. They will be sad to know you are struggling.

He was still 21 mmols, despite a huge correction.

All of us had forgotten that he remained on a low temp from earlier in the day.

At last the new set was in with insulin that looked viable. But E was terribly shaken, still high, and of course would not be able to join the others for dinner (it’s unsafe to eat when that high for obvious reasons: more glucose stacks into the blood).

When E is that high — and I think this is a common reaction — he becomes emotional and muddled. He has to make a supreme effort to exert his considerable strength of mind and intelligence to trying to gain control, to understand sequences. The added stress of being away, in the dark, and on his own, meant that for a short time, it was a losing battle for him.

This end, we were losing our own battles too. OH was preparing himself to drive six hours and go get him. I was wrestling with useless tears. Daughter M, once again, had wisely set herself up for dinner in front of the box.

At last OH convinced E to go to a teacher. Who phoned within minutes. She had taken control quickly. Found things he’d lost. Sat him down to wait. Established how long he’d been high.

We tried to explain how he’d be feeling. We said it should get better. By this point we’d set a high temp, and anticipated him coming down fast. She’d saved some food for him. If he’s not down in a couple of hours, OH began — we’ll drive him to the hospital, the teacher said.

Probably not, OH said. They won’t know what to do either.

And this is true. Don’t even get me started on what medics don’t know. How they will remove pumps. How they will run both glucose and insulin in simultaneously (completely counter-productive). How they might think that 2 mmols is fine (when it’s mega-hypo), or that 6 mmols is too low (when it’s within range). Or that, so long as the person is feeling okay, 18 mmols is not bad (three times as high as you want). I’m sorry all you medics out there, but these are true stories. The training for hospital diabetes treatment must be seriously deficient, and is entirely crisis-oriented. By hook or by crook, diabetics survive hospital intervention. But so often it is ridiculously and even near-dangerously cack-handed.

Anyway. E had some carb free food: cheese, ham, cucumber, and immediately began to feel better. In 20 minutes his level was 17 mmols. He ate. In another hour, he was way down to 9 mmols. By this point the high temp was off. He had to have some free carb or he would crash. In another hour he was, yes, low at 3.8 mmols. Some juice, and more free carb.

Like a yo-yo. Poor lad. He set a 70% temp to reflect the exercise of the day, and we all agreed he could make it without night testing. Crisis over.

Only guess where they are headed today: SNOWDON. The highest mountain in Wales.

He must be shattered. Up until nearly 1 am. A walk lasting many hours in front of him.

We’ve barely heard from him this morning — a rush getting out, apparently. I’m fearful that last night will hang over him, tempt him into insecurity, into double-guessing his judgement. He’s SO good at all this. He’s great. We keep telling him.

A little prayer then: let last night go. Start the new day. Trust your instincts. Know that you are strong, and can do anything.

It continues to be all-go in our household. There are times when I feel like a drill sergeant. Sigh. And I’m sure my family would say the same (!).

However. Good news from last week’s clinic appointment is that E’s HbA1c is once again back down to below 7%. This is approaching the high end of ‘normal’ (I love this word – NOT. It means here the high end of a non-diabetic person’s HbA1c). SO this is all good news, and confirms our suspicions that the vast majority of the blip last time was down to the dodgy sets, the missed boluses, and some plain wacky numbers. Two weeks later and those blips have disappeared more into his ‘blood history’, the measurement is 50% from the last month, and the proof is in the pudding. As it were.

It’s a wonderful clinic. Sensors for the CGM are arriving tomorrow, thanks to their help. The doctors and DSNs are open, kind, congratulatory, and we always come away having learned something — or at least with something to think about. This is incredibly rare nowadays for us: diabetes is such an individual condition, that what works for one may not work for another, and the pattern of x may not be the pattern of y. Not to speak of how things can vary day to day. So a new thought is, unfortunately, not usually one we haven’t already thought of. Nevertheless, in this clinic (our pump one, not local) we come away with food for thought. For instance: one of the doctors picked up what might be a pattern: E tends to have a hypo (below 4mmols), about 8 hours after changing to a new infusion set.

This may be nothing. But it may be something. What we would do about it is place him on a slightly lower rate of 95% of his insulin for that time. Maybe it will work? One of the lows was a severe low — the ol’ favourite, 1.8mmols of ten days ago. Ack. Each time, we count our blessings that he seems to weather these well. I am touching wood like mad for luck, but so far even these lows have not caused him to lose consciousness, fit or even become particularly disoriented. As I say, I realise we have been lucky.

And speaking of temp basals, it’s been ‘low insulin’ city in our neck of the woods the last two weekends. E is keen to earn money, so has been doing a lot of gardening work: sweeping the drive, weeding, hauling cut down branches to the bonfire. Etc. Last weekend he went onto a 50% temp basal to try to account for the exercise, and still had four or five hypos (I know, I know)… This weekend we tried a different approach. On Saturday, a shedload of hypos. One after the other. We reduced him to 0% for at least half the day. By evening he was stable again, though on 95% through the night, again to account for the exercise.

On Sunday however, we whacked on a low temp basal (20%) AND under-carbed his food. For instance: scampi and potatoes plus veg weighed out and added up to about 80g CHO. He bolused for 60g, thus receiving about 75% of his ‘usual’ dose.

Interestingly, this seemed to work (aside from two hypos in the morning, before we cottoned onto this new idea, sigh!), combined with the temp basal. We did the same for the evening meal — risotto, a slightly awkward one, that he normally doses at 25/75% (eg 25% up front, 75% spread out) over 7 hours. Again, no hypo.

What’s been useful to think through is that it makes a kind of sense that if the body is sensitive to insulin generally at a certain time, then it will also be sensitive in all instances: so any insulin going in during a sensitive time is bound to lower the blood sugar more than is desirable — whether it’s a ‘long-acting’ basal insulin, or a ‘short-acting’ bolus one.

This is not something anyone has ever mentioned to us. I’m mentioning it here, and will do so on the forum. But it makes sense, and worked.

Will it work the next time, however?! Ah, who knows….

***

The reason we have been so happy to let E work like a dog (and yes, I have a list for him after school this week!), is that we have about 30 people for dinner on Thursday. Eek. Spare a thought. The GREAT news is that the weather looks very promising: hot and sunny. (And DON’T even mention the possibility of a thunderstorm to break it, as is the tendency is this part of the country! Just keep it to yourself. Touch wood….)

Last year at the same party E had been on the pump for less than a month. We had lentils. And it sent his numbers all over the shop, being low GI. That would be very unlikely to happen this time. Incredible the distance you travel. We have travelled.

Touch wood.

copyright Tim Haynes

Well, things have warmed up here in the SE of Britain — even the rain is warm now — and with my hut days finished (sniff! pictures to follow) — my attention is turning to a) getting another hut; b) the garden and c) external examining, planning for next year, my own exam boards and and and…

Guess which one of the above actually takes up the most time? Yes, it’s the last one (Eeyore-ishly said).

ANYWAY. I’m mainly on here today to say that much as I adore my fast-growing beanpole of a son — who since Christmas must have grown three inches and now stands substantially taller than me and taller than his grandfather and not a million miles away from his *father* — we feel locked in a bit of a battle with it.

Herewith: went to clinic on Friday and the ol’ HbA1c (complicated averaging of blood sugar levels over three months) is the highest since diagnosis, and outside of high ‘normal’ for the first time too, eg over 7mmols. Damn. And other, much ruder, words.

We think we know some reasons for this:

1) all the fuss with the sets messing up. We had some stupendous, recurring highs with those problems, and knew that this alone would affect this HbA1c. (The new Silhouette sets, I am pleased to report, are still MUCH better, despite having been yanked out again by accident — ouch — in a game of football at the weekend. We were all no doubt suffering from sunstroke, because in that sort of running around he should have had it off anyway, but oh well! Soon replaced, bravely.)

2) growth hormones. Bane of everyone’s existence blood sugar-wise, except that of course growing is good. Very good. But after a couple of weeks of high mornings, then suddenly we had another week of low mornings, then you guessed it, another week now of high mornings. Bit disastrous. We just begin to think we need to change the basal rate from 12am-3am, and bingo! The trend has reversed. This is probably almost exclusively down to growth hormones. And probably too indicates that in the night all kinds of highs are happening about which we have very little awareness. This is disheartening in itself, as we are trying so hard. But we suspect that this is at the root of his higher HbA1c. We simply aren’t catching the night highs well enough.

3) Being slightly more laid back about numbers. This is a good thing, again. Healthy and to be desired. But perhaps we have let a little too much slide? The increments of vigilance are just so tiny, yet seem to make such a difference. Damn. We are NEVER complacent. But taking our feet off the gas is something we have done a little… But maybe we have allowed the car to slow just too much in this 50 mph zone…. Argh. You get caught by the camera whether speeding OR going too slow….

***

So I won’t pretend we aren’t a little bummed from this recent number. The doc however says it’s still WAY better than most adolescents manage to achieve. Be that as it may, we are used to better.

So, again. What are we doing about it?

1) Last night we went ahead and raised the basal for a couple of hours. He had a steady night on 6mmols.

2) We are trusting that the new sets (with their clear stability) will impact the next measurement.

3) E is expressing a clear desire to try a CGM(Continuous Glucose Monitor). This device measures the blood sugar level via the tissue rather than a pinprick, and is in situ for 7 days at a time. It is not entirely accurate, and you cannot dose insulin or take any real action on the basis of what it reports to the pump…However, you *can* ascertain trends in blood sugar, which will be enormously useful to us in a time where we are suspecting that we are missing highs. It is extremely good for discovering patterns, and we are extremely fortunate to be funded for it in our area. This, we hope, will help, even in this seemingly pattern-less time of adolescence!

It is to E’s credit that he now is firmly for trying CGM. It involves another ‘thing’ in him at all times, and another 45 degree insertion, which is what put him off it entirely initially. Now that he is used to the other sets, he is stepping up his game, and can face it. This is his decision.

Once again, I am proud of him. We are proud of him.

Chasing all this all the time is a true pain. And incredibly inconvenient in his life. His sights are set though. He knows he wants good numbers. And we will do everything we can to help him get them for as much of the time as seems sensible and realistic — and not obsessive.

So in two weeks we will attend our other clinic, at our shared-care hospital, to learn how to do the CGM insertion and set up the sensors. Deep breath.

But we don’t. After thinking the high numbers of the last post were set probs etc, here we are on the third day since the last change and ALL IS WELL. A relief. Stable ish numbers. A night’s sleep….

And lovely Cleo has passed the worst of being on heat. After two nights locked in the bathroom she’s to all of our great reliefs a bit more settled. Phew! No more earplugs, and a bit happier a cat….

Finally, exams: I phoned the school and they suggested 10% extra time to account for E’s lack of concentration. Which he has done.

It’s good to get in the habit of being obvious and up front about all this: hypo or hyper, he can lose at least 15 mins of a test to treating it. Now, he’s a VERY bright boy. He would do ok no matter what. We know this. The school know this.

But he never complains. He gets on with things. He thrives and excels. So when he says he thinks his performance is affected by his diabetes, the school listens. They want to set up similar formal provisions for him for GCSEs. Just to give him the best of all possible worlds.

They believe in him and trust him. I was quite choked up on the phone, hearing how much they thought of him. In his RS public exam the next day (part of a GCSE) his numbers were fine. But arrangements had been made for him to sit close to the door. All of the invigilators knew the situation. He came home saying he felt so much better now that nothing was unknown. Before he had gone into every exam explaining…. Uncomplaining and necessary, but hard work I’m guessing before an exam.

Anyway. For the first time I feel, tentatively, that the school is beginning to understand….

***

Morning at the hut.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

By now you can take a wild stab at what happens after I quietly whisper ‘numbers are more stable’, as I did in the last post. And you’d be right. THEY GO CRAZY!

Stability has been out the window off and on now for a few days. Why oh why? We don’t understand. We wonder if these new sets are starting to lose effectiveness after two days rather than the three of the old sets. But this hasn’t happened consistently, certainly not since the beginning… Can it happen suddenly? Who knows? Who flipping knows?!

So suddenly he wakes high yesterday, after 1.5 days with the set. We battle him down a bit, but he’s still pushing high. Battle down. All through the night we battle down, testing 4 times, running a fairly high temp basal.

Wakes at least stable from 4am, though too high, 12mmols.

Corrects like mad. Goes off to school and EXAMS with a temp basal on. We don’t want to send him low because of exams, but not too high either because of exams — both ends affect performance — so he texts back at 11am that he’s 17mmols.

Argh!!!!

Corrects, and raises temp. 13mmols at lunch. But then, suddenly, coming home he’s 19mmols! What?!

We’ve whacked the temp up to 200%, and corrected, and an hour later he’s still only 16mmols.

Argh!!!!

And to top it all off, he feels that his performance today was affected by being high. He had a hard time concentrating, needed to pee through half the exams, and had run out of water mid way through another.

You know, honestly. You want to climb into a hole. How unfair. I’ll phone the school tomorrow, but I don’t know what can be done…

It’s three days tonight since a set change. So we will change again, yes. But it’s been going wrong for half the time the set’s been in.

What the heck…

I’m sure I don’t even need to mention how very much I wish I had been able to be in my hut watching the sky rather than typing up reports and supervising the electricity man replace the meter and helplessly fielding texts from my struggling son. WHO DIDN’T ASK TO STRUGGLE LIKE THIS FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE!

***

And to top it off our beautiful girl cat is in heat in the most LOUD and DISTRESSING way. She sounds distressed and upset ALL THE TIME. We can barely talk over her. We are planning to try to get her pregnant in late June, for the timing to be right…Meanwhile I barely slept last night what with all of her pounding around and complaining, and being up and down like a yo-yo testing…

And the sun is shining and I’M NOT IN MY HUT. And feeling sorry for myself. And for my son, who really did nothing at all to deserve this. Bad luck, hormones…who knows. But he’s on a roller coaster at the moment, and all we can do is just keep running the insulin in:

And try to get the tub full QUICK…

Dammit.

Keeping a blog sometimes feels a bit like staying in touch with an old, good friend. You think oh I need to say this, or I need to say that. A part of your brain holds ‘blog things’. It usually works quite well.

Until you drop a stitch. And of course it unravels down the whole piece of knitting, putting a kind of empty path through the middle of it. Damn.

So this last week and a bit, I’ve dropped a stitch. At least. And it’s been depressing, to think every day, oh yes I can say this, and I can say that — and never get to it.

Reasons are good ones: writing in the hut; and university work. As well as normal life, but hey.

***

So it’s list time, just to cover bases. This is the worst thing: I can’t just LEAVE IT.

1) new infusions sets are working so well we’re in shock. Insertion is much easier, done in a flash, and since we started with them, we’ve had NO error messages from the pump, MORE stable numbers (generally, see below!), and THEY HURT LESS. So an all around thumbs up!

2) we have however had two completely uncharacteristic missed doses, when we all just kind of forgot to give the insulin — within 24 hours. The first time we caught it quite quickly. E was high, but no ketones and feeling okay.  Insulin given, and job done. The second time he’d been running a little high anyway (we think from the end of a cold), and three hours after the missed dose, he was 20 mmols. Ergh. Within a few minutes, he felt bad. A few more minutes, and despite correction insulin being on its way in, he felt positively dreadful. We had to pull over while driving home while he got air. He thought he was going to be sick. And he felt this way for another two hours. For him, there is NOTHING worse than being high with ketones. It took another six hours, running temp basals, for him to come into range. Such is the ridiculously high price of forgetting to do one thing in certain circumstances.

3) We have figured out we think for certain that E actually tends to run slightly LOW when colds are starting and coming out. Unusual I think, but this seems definite now. Then, after the worst is over, he runs high for a couple of days. Oh joy!

4) It’s Sounds New week, which means we have all been rather hither and thither. Esp OH. So I’ve been having to keep about a billion things in my head at once: lunches, drop offs, pick ups, swimming gear, dry cleaners, paperwork. We usually split as much as we can, but this week of the year, it’s always like this — a bit overwhelming! Being a parent and working, being a partner and working — and trying to do a decent, open, sound and not too controlling job of it — is overwhelming sometimes. How’s that for stating the bleeding obvious, as they say?!

5) And yet through all this (and uni work — have I mentioned that?! A bit of a trial to keep up with these weeks, but oh well…), I have been to my hut! Three mornings this week. The work is still coming. There have been big waves. So I’ve made a Big Wave link. I have become aware again — and not for the first time, but for the first time in a long time, 5 years I think — how delicate a quality creativity is. How easily the imagination could be swung from itself, and everything be lost. It’s so important not to disturb the surface — but too, to disturb it, to dip down like a fishing bird, and find something. If you get in there and swim and splash about, you’ve got no chance. So I’ve spent a long time — hours maybe — trailing my fingers in the water: watching, listening, being, making a few notes. And soon enough, as long as I don’t move too fast, I hear a voice — mine and not mine, of course — that is the (maybe temporary) first line of a piece.

I’m so glad that this rich place near the surface hasn’t been wiped out by so many things happening in the last few years. I feel like a poet again, like when I was drafting How to Be a Dragonfly, which happened in a similar rush. To be honest, it’s a source of tearful relief.

***
So, Bigger Waves. Madness, I realise. And sorry about the last minute shift of point of view in this. Like writing a story, I suddenly thought hey I know what I want! I want the pure white froth… But by then it was too late. If it were a story, I would go back and re-do the whole thing with this in mind. But it’s not, so here we are.

So we decide that the best thing to do is finally do a basal test with E. This involves concocting no carb meals so that we can get a good luck at E’s background or ‘fasting’ blood sugar levels. This means frequent testing too of course. But the early evenings and nighttimes have been very problematic of late: seemingly unpredictable, seemingly swinging because of foods (really?), exercise (really?), and growth hormones (probably). And we won’t even go to the issue of the set changes in the last few weeks. Heaven only knows the effects of that.

ANYWAY. So from 6pm yesterday, no carb. Great and inventive dinner of chicken marinated in yoghurt, mint, chili and lime — lightly pan fried — on salad, with some mozzarella slices. Then a sugar free jelly (jello). All of which adds up to maybe 2 g of carb.

SO. He starts a little high (9 mmols) so we have to correct and give half a unit of insulin, but don’t add anything extra for the food. Two and a half hours later he’s still too high  — 9 mmols. (This is without eating anything remember, so MUST indicate that during this time on this day the basal or background insulin is too low.) So we have to correct again. Two hours after that he’s 10 mmols. So we correct. Clearly being pulled high has outweighed the earlier correction. Then 3 hours later he’s plummeted to 4 mmols.

Sigh. This is *precisely* the opposite of what we had thought was going on, and which our adjustments had reflected last week. We had thought he was being pulled low in mid-evening (so we lowered the basal an increment) and he has been sky high in the mornings (so we raised the basal an increment). Whereas last night’s test revealed that — for that day, anyway! — he was as a result too high in the mid-evening and too low in the morning.

Back to square one. Or maybe not. Maybe it’s a one-off. Certainly we feel that his morning rises have been almost entirely hormonal — and irregular, unpredictable in the extreme. This is where we wish for a) smaller increments on the Medtronic and therefore finer insulin tuning and b) a willingness on his part to deal with continuous glucose monitoring. It would help enormously in this case not to just have little windows into his levels, but watch the pattern of it… Oh well. In time.

Add to all this that yesterday was a ‘stay at home’ day, in which he didn’t get out of his pajamas, and really, the test can only be a bit accurate… His levels will be quite different we suspect on a school night. We already run him on two patterns on the pump, with different basal rates — one for school, and one for weekends and holidays — so we no doubt have to do two ‘fasting’ basal tests too, in order to get anywhere.

Sigh again!

***

The good news is that another silhouette (45 degree) set is in. The positioning of the hand and the body can be very awkward and unsettling, but he held on to his nerve and did it. Done!

***

And finally, I wanted to show you what I did on Friday. I looked at life for really quite a long time from this angle. And wrote four poems. I don’t know why the coast has set me on fire in such a way, but it has. As a friend said, they are just coming out of the oven cooked.

I watched the tide come in, and how the angles and rapidity and groups and heights of the waves changed over the day. I’m completely fascinated by this. It’s meditative yes, but also occupies my mind in an unaccustomed and direct way. I focus, really focus, on what’s in front of me.

Enjoy. Notice the filigree patterns of the water on the beach, like lace. And the way that sometimes the waves surge forward, and sometimes they just drop. And that they arrive in groups, and that a third of them are larger than the others… This all just screams poetry to me. I realise this might just be me, however!

I’m sitting in the beach hut, and I’ll admit my mind is a little fuzzy. Two reasons, I suspect, for this: beauty overload; and too many chocolate fingers. They have nothing to do with each other, but both lead me to a bit of a spaced out state!

The sea and the sky are an almost white blue-grey today, and there is only the faintest horizon. I’ve already drafted two poems this morning and expect to do another before packing up for the day. This post, in truth, is me ‘holding back’ from the next piece. It’s not quite time to write it. Not sure why. But a little while longer coming to the boil is what’s needed. Maybe ten minutes or an hour, no more – or the pot boils dry and can’t, in my experience, be re-filled.

Our trip to clinic yesterday was useful, energising, and hopeful. We had done everything right with the new 45 degree sets except pinch the skin in order for the needle to get proper purchase on and guide the cannula in. We all watched carefully as our brilliant Diabetes Specialist Nurse (DSN) demonstrated the insertion on a blue cushion (no Manky!). And then E, with the same quiet clear-headedness and courage he has shown from the beginning of all this, did all the steps on himself.

His father and I watched as what looked like a huge needle catapulted into E, skimming just under the surface of the skin. Perfect. He peeled off the backing tape, removed the needle – leaving the cannula in of course – and voilà. One of his final sources of real distress conquered without any evident hesitation.

So far so good. We discovered two more options to try if these sets prove difficult or not right in some way – again, bless our DSN’s pragmatism.

But right now E is very pleased, as are we. Many more sites for sets will be opened up if he stays with them. And they are much flatter than quicksets.

And you know what: NO PAIN except a pinprick for a couple of seconds. Compared to the teeth-gritting and watering eyes of every set change in the last three months, well…. Any chance to not have to be QUITE so brave he welcomes. And lord knows we want him to take it.

— Posted in the Little Blue Hut

Spring is springing so hard it’s practically bouncing off the page! The sun has shone almost without interruption now for two weeks. The tiny showers have made all the grass green and the tulips livid with life.

1) Thank you to everyone who sent me messages (see About on this site, but I’m afraid you can’t hack into my email, 🙂 ) about my article in Balance, the Diabetes UK bi-monthly magazine. I do what I do because it presses upon me to do it. Just hearing from people and knowing that somehow we all have places to go, and that I might, might be laying one tiny bridge of connection down for folks — this is good enough for me. This is what it’s all about. Thank you. My column continues in the next issue.

2) The beach hut is the BEST THING since sliced bread. I’m writing a lot. The sun is shining. At the end of the day it goes grey, and the horizon mixes the sea and sky. I’m researching coastal terminology and just plain watching the water, the birds, the dogs being walked, the children playing, and the slow flow of the tide. The whole thing is astonishing. I haven’t felt this connected to writing life-wise in years. Years. (Yay!)

3) Daughter M celebrated her 10th birthday yesterday. Like me, she has a tendency to tell everyone she knows and thereby reap the rewards of good wishes! She was in possession of the Birthday Cushion from her maths teacher all day, which she could sit upon, carry with her, flash at everyone and generally enjoy. Her name was emboldened upon the big screen by the school library. Her class sang to her. She ate cupcakes. Her brother downloaded a wonderful arty hand-drawn puzzle game for her as a gift. She soaked up ‘the love’. She is ten, double digits for the rest of her life. And a cracking, special girl, much adored. Here’s to you, chiquita!

4) We are off to clinic tomorrow, to sort out Manky’s sites. Lordy. We are feeling brave and resolute. As I say, the sun is shining. We have raised the nighttime insulin to combat the growth hormone highs which have persisted pretty much constantly now for three weeks. Perhaps soon we can get a night’s sleep! The sun is shining.

Til when!

Setting sail

In November 2008 my 12 year old son was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. The effect of this event on me -- and on our nuclear family -- was like being thrown overboard and watching the ship leave.

'Dealing with type 1' in the family has morphed into another sort of 'dealing' -- a wholesale resituating of parenting, of family dynamics...of life.

At my son's diagnosis I could not to locate a record of what living with a type 1 child in the family is like. I could not see myself or our family anywhere. I longed for a starting point, a resource and a sense of the future. Being a writer, my instinct is to write it. This space, I hope, is a start.

Blood Sugar Ranges (UK)

<4 mmols = low or hypo, life-threatening if untreated
4-8 mmols = within target range
8-13 mmols = high but not usually dangerous
14+ mmols = very high, or hyper, life-threatening if untreated

Bubbles

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Distance Travelled

Disclaimer

I am not a medical professional. Any view expressed here is my opinion, gleaned from experience, anecdote or available research.